Part 1 of 3

I set up a website years ago, then I destroyed said website as I got bored, since then I created a couple more including the only one that I have left, AWFC I used to have fun though, it was my old style blogging if you like. Well today, being sooooooooooo fucking bored at work with bugger all today, I went hunting for all my old shit and with the help of 20 somethings way back machine I found my old site - my god I wrote some crap, I was about 20/21 when I wrote these, they are all quite long so I thought I would share one by one coz they got me laughing and thinking:

Firstly, my pearls of wisdom. Some are plagurised, some I wrote I'll highlight my personal faves;

Look on the world as a big fruit cake it wouldn’t be complete without a few nuts in it

Never say sorry to anyone unless it is genuinely your fault
Life is merely a party that god has placed you in

Live each day as though it were your last, you’ll end up doing many weird things

Don’t leave things that you wish to do until later, they are usually the much better things to do

Never go swimming in white shorts, unless your on holiday

Take each corner with anticipation of what waits around it

Man goes with woman, food goes with fat, fist does not go with face

Don’t rush into sex with someone you don’t know…… ask their name

Work is just build up to many hours of play

Weekends are for fun, don’t work

The man who gets ahead is the man who works when there is no work to do

Never give up the chase on the office secretary, time will wait for Christmas

Stay on the good side of a bad boss, don’t take advantage of a good one

Youth lives on hope, old age on memory

Time waits for no man, yet man can wait for time

The longest wait of your life is usually for the greatest pleasure

Time is our greatest enemy, yet we have plenty of it

Life is like a bath, the longer you stay in it the more wrinkled you get

Be positive and assertive, it gets you everywhere

To achieve your lifes ambition you have to start on the bottom rung of the ladder

If you don’t have confidence in your own abilities, no-one else will

Don’t criticise women drivers when they are driving, there bad enough without another lapse in concentration

If you feel you’ve overstayed your welcome, don’t stay any longer, who knows what you walked in on

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, all play and no work makes him a very poor one

By all means look before you leap but don’t look too long or the pleasure will be gone

The city of love is Paris, the city of lust is Rome, the city of life is London, so surely the city of sex is Bangkok?

A lie has no legs so cannot stand, but it has wings and can fly far and wide

The only way to have a friend is to be one

Do all the good you can to all the people you can in all the ways you can

Suspicion is often a useless pain

Love is the only thing in life you have to earn: everything else you can steal

The first thing needed to make a dream come true is to wake up

A thing is not vulgar merely because it is common

Everything comes to those who go after what the others are only waiting for

There is a big difference to giving advice and lending a hand

A man who makes a mistake becomes a bigger man when he admits it

Rise above it

If at first you don’t succeed buy her another drink

If at first you don’t succeed skydiving isnt for you…..<br>
When easy does it, somebody usually has to do it again

Constant use will wear out anything, especially friends

The curve that can set a lot of things straight is a smile

A perfectionist takes infinite pains and often gives them to other people

Happiness happens to people to busy to be miserable

Go ahead! Do things but do not be afraid to shoulder responsibility

Nature, time and patience are the three great physicians

She will always be a slave who does not know how to live a little

Too many people go through life running from something that isn’t after them

It is always wise to look ahead but not easy to look further than you can see

Fondness is when the heart does the minds job

When the goings good, be doing good

Reality is a hallucination caused by lack of alcohol

Don’t get mad, jealous or uptight, don’t get even, get better

Be good, if you cant be good, be very, very bad

Be afraid of nothing, with being caught an exception

When you’re at your lowest point, look up, it’s the only way to go

You can kill men and cripple nations, but you cant kill a good idea

If a man can see both sides of the problem, you know he’s not involved in it

To see through a man, get an x-ray or speak to an ex-girlfriend

It is better to deserve trust and not have it than to have it and not deserve it

It is much wiser to choose what you say rather than say what you choose

It is human nature to think wisely and act foolishly

Love is a quest, marriage a conquest, divorce the inquest

It matter not how a man dies but how he lives

Good judgement comes from experience, experience comes from bad judgement

If you have tried your hand at something and failed, next time try your head

If you think nothing is impossible try sneezing with your eyes open

The great pleasure in life is doing something that others say you cannot do

Behind every successful man is a surprised mother-in-law

Don’t judge a mans temper until you’ve seen him with a wife, a child and no spare tyre

Four ‘o’ clock is either too early or too late to start anything

Home is where the heart is, but not necessarily the mind

All the pains of life are always eased when you pass away

When all else fails, try, try, try again, if that fails, get drunk and be happy

I am paid for what I know……..not what I do

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

Just remember ... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labour!

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realise you haven't fallen asleep yet.