Rant Management

Friday, March 02, 2007

Part 2 of 3 (possibly found a 4th though)
The hypothetical questions we all love:

What if that wasn’t the way I liked it?
What if smarties didn’t have an answer?
What if I worked nights, how would I night nurse my cold to sleep?
Do people actually wash their head AND shoulders with shampoo?
Who tastes pet food to know that it “Now tastes even better”?
Why is it than when something is marked 50% extra free, its only the packaging?
Why are there no virgin stewardesses on virgin?
Why in this world of equal opportunities is there no fathercare?
What would hairdressers do if everyone became bald?
How come no-one knows what “Vorsprung derch technique” means?
Why hasn’t mystic meg ever won the lottery?
Why does James Bond seem to get younger in every film?
How come O.J Simpson was not found guilty?
Yet in the same country uproar because George Michael was having a Tommy Tank?
Will the teabag ever be square again?
What use really was the millennium dome, bit of a one off event that don’t ya think?
Why were rice krispie squares called squares, they were bloody rectangle for gods sake! Maybe that’s why they didn’t last too long?
Who thought of the name ‘penguin’ for a chocolate biscuit, its not like they are associated in anyway is it?
How would the worlds population survive if we were all male ……….(Quietly) ?
What if calculators sometimes got it wrong, they can’t exactly say sorry can they?
What would happen if there was no money, would we need to work? Would everything be free?
What if once you got to 99 you stopped ageing and lived forever getting younger, imagine that, 190 and at the height of sexual powers having a bed bath!
Did the queen send her mum a telegram on her 100th before she croaked?
How come the Chinese got such a cocked up language?
Come to think of it, have you ever met anyone whos said “I’m fluent in chinese” ?
Why are beauties always attracted to beasts?
Why do people say “Oh it was in the last place I looked” well of course it was you muppet coz once you’ve found it you aren’t going to carry on looking are ya - dickhead?
If man has evolved from Monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes, do they have to pass a test or something?
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him ... is he still wrong?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Why do they lock petrol station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What did cured ham actually have?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
How come we choose from just two people for Prime Minister and fifty for Miss England?
If a 999 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
When you’re fat - you sign up for an exercise class why do they say; "Wear loose fitting clothes" - if you had loose fitting clothes in the first place it wouldn’t be a problem!
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?

When you go on holiday and you go to an Airport to get onto a metal tube that blasts you into the sky are you nervous that while waiting for it you are in a TERMINAL?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial lemons, yet washing up liquid made with real ones?

11 Comments:

Blogger Raw Thoughts said...

hilarious!!!

I can only think of one more.

Why do they sell 8 hot dog buns in a package when hot dogs come 10 to a pack? Are they trying to get you to buy 4 packs of hot dogs and 5 packages of buns to equal it out? :)

2:38 pm  
Blogger Lindsay said...

HA ha - how do you know all air stewards are not virgins? Have you personally asked them?

And the one about hairdressers - probably because no one is stupid enough to shave their head (except Britney) - Girls are way to vein! That is like asking - what if there were never any accidents? How would hospitals and ambulance services have jobs? - The truth is that the world will ALWAYS find something else to compensate.

3:29 pm  
Blogger Lindsay said...

*that was meant to say hostess - sorry!

3:29 pm  
Blogger Lindsay said...

Ok here are some more:

Why are the media STILL going on about princess Diana when she is dead?
Maybe she is happy dead!

Why is news called “news” when most of it is old? I thought NEWS stood for “new” meaning new – new stories!

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